Scout
07-24-2006, 03:39 PM
Don’t EVER do the following things while at Burning Man
1. Don’t have sex with someone you just met say, 10 minutes ago. Just because there are thousands of naked and rather hot boys and girls running around having sex everywhere that does not mean they want to have sex with you. Remember your best chance for sex is yourself, and that’s iffy.
2. Don’t by drugs from people you don’t know. First of all if you buy anything besides ice while at BM the politically correct police will come kick your ass. (Coffee is not politically correct, sorry) Buying drugs from people can be chancy at best. Just because some guy is stinky with dread locks does not mean that he is a hippy and has good drugs. By Thursday even the most clean cut cop will be stinky with dreads. Remember your BM ticket is printed with LSD ink. If you need to get high, just give the front of your ticket a good lick and everything will be OK in just a little while. (Why do you think the damn tickets cost so much?)
3. Don’t use the port-o-potties. For god sake have you ever been in one of those things during the day? They smell bad, they are out of toilet paper, it’s at least 150 degrees inside and you have to wait in line for about an hour to get in one because they are all filled with people having sex besides you. (See number 1) If you have to pee do the following. Find someone’s camp where they have left their shoes just sitting around. Use one of these to pee in. That way you’re not peeing on the playa and you won’t get in trouble with the Black Rock Rangers. If you must poop find an art installation that uses a lot of fabric. Poop where nobody can see you, then wipe your bottom on the fabric. The other burners will think that the smell of poop gives the art real depth.
4. Don’t go to the Critical Tits Parade thinking you are going to find the next miss right. Remember the crowd at the Critical Tits Parade is filled with stupid straight guys and lesbians just like you looking for a date. Do you want to be seen with these straight geek boys dressed in kilts (nark) with boners? Do you want to get your ass kicked by some lesbian that has a bigger penis than you have? The answer is HELL NO! Remember your best chance to find miss right is at Jiffy Lube (or what ever it’s called this year) just close your eyes and it will be all OK.
5. Don’t go partying with Larry Harvey!!! All I can say about that is you will wake up with a size 7 poop shoot and the feeling that you have been used. The worst part is that NOBODY will believe you because every geek boy in a kilt (nark) tells every lesbian they meet at the Critical Tits Parade that they spent last night partying with Larry. So, if you see Larry FOR GOD’S SAKE RUN THE OTHER WAY. Besides I partied with him last year just before the Burn….honest.
I can’t keep giving you guys this free advice,
Scout
1. Don’t have sex with someone you just met say, 10 minutes ago. Just because there are thousands of naked and rather hot boys and girls running around having sex everywhere that does not mean they want to have sex with you. Remember your best chance for sex is yourself, and that’s iffy.
2. Don’t by drugs from people you don’t know. First of all if you buy anything besides ice while at BM the politically correct police will come kick your ass. (Coffee is not politically correct, sorry) Buying drugs from people can be chancy at best. Just because some guy is stinky with dread locks does not mean that he is a hippy and has good drugs. By Thursday even the most clean cut cop will be stinky with dreads. Remember your BM ticket is printed with LSD ink. If you need to get high, just give the front of your ticket a good lick and everything will be OK in just a little while. (Why do you think the damn tickets cost so much?)
3. Don’t use the port-o-potties. For god sake have you ever been in one of those things during the day? They smell bad, they are out of toilet paper, it’s at least 150 degrees inside and you have to wait in line for about an hour to get in one because they are all filled with people having sex besides you. (See number 1) If you have to pee do the following. Find someone’s camp where they have left their shoes just sitting around. Use one of these to pee in. That way you’re not peeing on the playa and you won’t get in trouble with the Black Rock Rangers. If you must poop find an art installation that uses a lot of fabric. Poop where nobody can see you, then wipe your bottom on the fabric. The other burners will think that the smell of poop gives the art real depth.
4. Don’t go to the Critical Tits Parade thinking you are going to find the next miss right. Remember the crowd at the Critical Tits Parade is filled with stupid straight guys and lesbians just like you looking for a date. Do you want to be seen with these straight geek boys dressed in kilts (nark) with boners? Do you want to get your ass kicked by some lesbian that has a bigger penis than you have? The answer is HELL NO! Remember your best chance to find miss right is at Jiffy Lube (or what ever it’s called this year) just close your eyes and it will be all OK.
5. Don’t go partying with Larry Harvey!!! All I can say about that is you will wake up with a size 7 poop shoot and the feeling that you have been used. The worst part is that NOBODY will believe you because every geek boy in a kilt (nark) tells every lesbian they meet at the Critical Tits Parade that they spent last night partying with Larry. So, if you see Larry FOR GOD’S SAKE RUN THE OTHER WAY. Besides I partied with him last year just before the Burn….honest.
I can’t keep giving you guys this free advice,
Scout